AP #1 - Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth & Parenting

Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth & Parenting

It's easy, I think, to prepare for pregnancy & birth. That part is so exciting! It's like planning a wedding. It's easy and fun to plan a wedding; planning a marriage takes much more time, thought, and continual change.

My main suggestions here are to take a birth class, read Henci Goer's book "A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth," and hire a doula. I wrote this post more information about birth resources.

Parenting is much harder than pregnancy and birth. I've enjoyed the Dr. Sears books, and a few others: Playful Parenting; Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves; and Siblings without Rivalry. I have a long long list of parenting books I want to read and incorporate into our parenting. 

I want to be a better parent. I want to be more patient. I want to teach more. I want to respect my kids more. 

Jamey, Jamey, Jamey

Our guy turns 3!

Happy Birthday, Bud!

AP - Eight Principles of Parenting

Before Ivy was born, I knew a lot about kids. I'm the oldest of seven. I'd been babysitting since I was 12. In my head, I had practically raised by brothers and sisters. I knew what I was doing. Becoming a mother was going to be a breeze.

Ha ha.

And then she arrived. She didn't sleep. She cried. She didn't want to be put down. And all she wanted was to nurse.

All of my confidence flew out the window. None of the advice I got or read resounded with me. I just couldn't follow Baby Wise. I couldn't let her Cry it Out. I couldn't deny her suckling need--even if she wouldn't take a pacifier.

It seemed clear what kind of parents we didn't want to be, but I didn't know where to find information about how to help Ivy.

We had planned on a homebirth and taken Bradley classes. I knew about Le Leche. Somewhere along the line, I learned about Dr. Sears. I think our midwife had suggested The Pregnancy Book instead of What to Expect when You're Expecting. I found his Fussy Baby Book and then learned about Attachment Parenting.

Reading through the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting resonated with how we wanted to interact with our kids.

API's Eight Principles of Parenting

The long-range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection. It eliminates violence as a means for raising children, and ultimately helps to prevent violence in society as a whole.

The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others.

Parenting has been on my mind a lot recently. Adding a new baby to the family has been pretty easy, but I find myself out of patience and yelling a lot. I get frustrated because the kids are acting like kids. I want them to stop making all that noise.

But really, I want them to grow up to be confident complete people. I want them to feel secure, supported, and independent. I want them to be able to identify and express emotions, and I want them to care for other people. I want them to make informed choices and know who they are and what they believe. And I want them to know they can change - themselves and the world.

I feel like I've been failing lately. Jamey screams "NO!!" at me, and I've lost it and smacked him. I threaten spanking because threatening it works. Sometimes it seems like hitting them is the only thing that will work. But I feel so guilty for it, that I can't do it. I'll talk more about spanking some other time.

I lose my patience a lot. I yell more than is necessary.

So, now I'm going to review the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting and get more encouragement to be the kind of parent I want to be.

Conan O'Brien and Simon Helberg on Home Birth

On January 31, Simon Helberg from the Big Bang Theory was a guest on Conan. I've linked the full episode here, because it looks like there isn't a clip of just Simon's interview.

Simon & Conan's conversation about home birth is still irritating me days later.

First of all, I'm irritated by Simon's comments that "we've evolved now, we can go to the hospital to have a baby."

Home Birth is Safe

Home Birth avoids Unnecessary Interventions

Home Birth allows a Woman to Give Birth as Nature Intended  

Home Birth is not Weird 

Second, I feel a little sad for his wife, Jocelyn Towne. I have no idea how their conversations went, but on the show, it sounded like Simon bullied his wife into a hospital birth. I hope that's not the case and that she is getting a birth experience she wants.


Third, it's unfortunate that Simon's careless comments will affect how Conan's viewers perceive home birth.

• Ah, I had temporarily forgotten that Simon Helberg knows Mayim Bialik. I bet he hears about home birth all the time. And I'm glad! I feel less compelled to write anything about it. In fact, I'm not going to write anymore. 

Birth and Parenting Resources

I have worked hard to find wonderful resources that have helped me be confident in our pregnancy, birth & parenting decisions, and I thought I'd share them with you. 


Birth Classes
Bradley: We did Bradley classes and learned so much about how birth happens. The relaxation techniques were invaluable during labor. The best thing I took from this class is that birth is normal and my body knows how to do it. And don't fight against what my body wants to do.
Hypnobirthing
Birthing from Within


Birth and Postpartum Doulas
Childbirth Collective: This doula group in the Twin Cities is amazing! They have so much to offer pregnant couples about birth education and doula services. Their Parent Topic Nights helped us decide to hire a doula and to know what to look for. 
DONA


Finding a Midwife
MN Families for Midwifery
Minnesota Birth


Yoga, Massage, Classes
Blooma
Spinning Babies: I've seen Gail at the Twin Cities Birth & Baby Expo; watching her do belly mapping is amazing. She can tell how your baby is lying and give you tips on how to get the baby in good position for birth. 
Twin Cities Birth & Baby Expo: This event is in October and has been at Midtown Global Market. I've enjoyed talking to birth educators, doulas, and LLL leaders here. I bought some Discovery Toys, Usborne Books, and Baby Legs. Plus, there's yoga, a blessingway, Spinning Babies, and henna. 
ICAN
Marriage Geek: Offers some parenting/marriage classes specifically designed for couples with young kids. Her Positive Parenting for a Happy Family, Healing Birth Stories, Parenting in Partnership, and Amazing Marriage classes are life-changing. 


Books to Read
A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer: Every pregnant women should be required to read this book. Seriously. 

Every book available by Dr. Sears (Pregnancy Book, Birth Book, Breastfeeding Book, Baby Book, Vaccine Book, Attachment Parenting Book, Baby Sleep Book, Fussy Baby Book)

Movies to Watch

The Business of Being Born

Orgasmic Birth

In the Womb by National Geographic

Breastfeeding Support

Le Leche League: My local LLL group has been such a great help to me through thrush, mastitis, newborn nursing, introducing foods, and weaning. One pitfall, at least with my local group, is lack of support for working moms & pumping issues. I went to meetings for almost two years both for my own education and then to help other moms. Good stuff. 

Lactation Consultants

Vaccinations

The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears: I found this book instrumental in helping us decide how and when to vaccinate our kids. I still use it as a resource before their well-checks. 

Attachment Parenting

Attachment Parenting International

Twin Cities API yahoo group: I wish every parent in every city had access to this group. It's a bunch of Attachment Parents in the Twin Cities. They offer play groups, mom's night out, parents night out, partners night out, monthly support meetings, an annual camping trip, and online support like you wouldn't believe. There are car seat experts, doulas, midwives, homeopathic doctors, chiropractors, nutritionists, teachers, etc. Experts in everything imaginable related to pregnancy, birth, and parenting ... even marriage therapists. And they're all on common ground when it comes to a parenting style. I've gotten more advice from this group than anywhere else. 

Gentle Discipline

Gentle Christian Mothers

Why Not Train a Child

PPD Support

Postpartum Support Intl

Pregnancy and Postpartum Support MN

Helpful Websites

Your Baby Booty

Momastery

Peaceful Parenting

The Emerging Mamma

The Parenting Passageway

Avoiding Processed Food

I read this article from the Huffington Post the other day.

#8 simply can not be true. I mean totally gross.

Also #10 is yuck yuck yuck.

Scandinavian Almond Cake

When we were at my parents' house for Christmas, my mom had made this delicious Almond Cake. I mean, it was so yummy. Light and creamy, with no frosting. It was more like a sweet loaf than cake (like the lemon loaf at Starbucks or pumpkin bread at Caribou).

I got the recipe, special pan, and almond extract for Christmas!

Scandinavian Almond Cake
Spray the pan with cooking spray.

Beat well: 1-1/4 C sugar, 1 egg, 1-1/2 tsp pure almond extract, 2/3 C milk
Add: 1-1/4 C flour, 1/2 tsp baking powder
Add: 1 stick melted butter
Mix well.

Bake at 350 for 40-50 minutes. Edges must be golden brown. Cool in the pan before removing. The cake will break if removed too soon. Sprinkle with confectioner's sugar.
Variation: Before pouring batter in the pan, sprinkle sliced almonds in the bottom.

This is such an easy recipe, and it's so good. And I feel classy serving it. It seems like a nice light dessert. Especially if I had some berries to go with it.

Also, I really think I can swap out the almond extract for any other flavor. Like Orange Extract and add a little orange zest. Or lemon. That would be really good. Probably any kind of extract and an associated "zest."